Under the Radar.

When I first started using Facebook I had only a passing interest.

(I say the term "using" because, well, to some it is quite an addictive application).

Because of this, I didn't rush into it. I took my time. I spent a while putting together my profile. I added a friend here and there. I mean, I thought the whole thing was a passing whim that would never really catch on. I was out of college by the time it came out so I chalked it up to a site only underclassmen would use and get involved with.

As I have been on many other things in my life, on this I was, yet again, quite wrong.

Facebook, the social networking tool that is so near and dear to our hearts, is meant to link us to people who are our friends, people who want to be our friends and people who are, in many cases, trying to establish some sort of a following. Through this site, you can email someone, friend someone, chat with someone, write on someone's wall, invite someone to an event, request a friend to someone else, share a link with someone and yes, even poke someone.

You can also, if we are being completely honest here: look for old boyfriends, stalk that hot guy who you met at a party and can barely recall the name of but can easily find through your friend's page, track down that odd kid from kindergarten that you haven't seen in ages who used to eat the wrappers of the cupcakes that were brought to school for snacktime, and, without too much effort, find a lot of information in a relatively short amount of time on just about any topic under the sun. I'll stop here. I think you get my point.

Remember life before Facebook?

If you wanted to get in touch with someone you either called them, emailed them (through regular email), texted them or, best of all, went to see them in person. You could also do one of my personal favorites--send them a letter! (I love letters!) Now granted, all of those are still a lot of options and to say that life before Facebook was somehow simpler would be a major stretch. But, really, when you think about it there was quite a difference in the way we communicated. There was a directness. I didn't need to log on to see if someone had reached out to me. I already knew. If someone 'friended' me before Facebook it meant I had met someone while I was out. Pure and simple, I had made a new friend. Struck up a conversation. Discovered someone I could sincerely relate to. All without so much as a computer or "Friend Finder".

I see the perks of Facebook. I see how great it is at reconnecting with people you once knew and learning more about people you just met. It IS a really effective way to network, there is no way to argue this. But at some point, my utilization of Facebook got a bit out of control. I was checking my account at least 5 times a day. All of the notifications were entertaining, yes, but they would also jar me from focusing on work over and over and over again. I'm no saint by any means but after a while even the most diligent of workers falls prey to being sucked in to the pretty, shiny distraction that Facebook can become and struggles with getting anything accomplished. Instead of a fun thing to check out once in a while, Facebook, for me, had grown to be a little bit like a part-time job. It was less networking and more just work.

Work as in if I missed a few days I felt like I had really missed out on what was going on in FB world, that other "place" that everyone is in. I felt like I had to catch up. Who wrote on my wall, I would wonder. Did that guy ever write me back, I'd question. What funny status updates was I missing out on?

But then it went a step further. I found myself posting status updates three, four times a day. Did I really have something that interesting to say? Eh, that's debatable. But I'd be driving in my car or working out at the gym and find myself writing them in my head all of the time. Now I am a writer so this is pretty normal for me to be writing things in my head as I do something else. But when it got to the point where if I didn't share what I was thinking or doing or experiencing with the "audience" that is my friends list and I suddenly felt less credible, I knew I had a problem. Like if I didn't share things, in a funny and constant stream-of-conscious way, I felt like what I was up to was less real, somehow. That comment button gave me the impression that someone was listening all of the time. If I had been having a good, bad or indifferent day and I wrote about it, hearing from someone else in regards to that gave me a certain small validation. No matter what, it gave the impression that I was sharing an experience with someone else, whether that was actually the case or not.

But as we all know, sharing shouldn't happen solely through a computer. There is a big, wide world out there: the human experience is meant to be seen live. And if one is not careful, Facebook can morph into Fakebook and fast. So after I realized I might need to take a step back from FB, back away from the computer slowly and 'reign it in' a bit, I got an idea. In an effort to truly sacrifice something and live in a much more simple way, which I think is what I was really craving afterall, I gave up Facebook for Lent. That's right: 40 days. 40 nights. No Facebook. No kidding.

Just so you know, I am a purist when it comes to Lent. So when I give something up--whether it is chocolate or swearing--I go all out. I don't believe in the whole "you can do/have whatever you gave up for Lent on Sundays during Lent". I feel like that is such a cop out. If you are going to do it, do it BIG.

So Ash Wednesday came along. I posted my status that I was going to be gone for a while (for Lent), turned off all of my notifications and said that I would see everyone on the other side. And honest to God, literally, I logged off and did not look back. Now once in a while, during the first few days, I found myself wanting to click over to FB more so out of habit than anything else. It wasn't that I had had some overwhelming curiosity but more that it had always just been there as a clever distraction that I had gotten used to. But I was determined. And truly, for weeks I did not so much as think about it.

But then St. Patrick's Day came. And I was out and met a cute guy named Paul. ("Tall Paul" as I liked to call him). And suddenly my not logging on became a bit of a problem.

Damn cute boys.

I was walking by Tall Paul and all of a sudden I hear, "Hello, tall girl," and I turn to see this beautiful, 6'4" man smiling at me. He had dark hair and light eyes and a great smile. And for the first time in a long time I was looking up at someone. We talked and laughed and before I knew it he joked, "Wait, you're tall and athletic and close with your family: can I marry you?"

When we parted, he said he would look me up on Facebook. I mentioned how I gave it up for Lent and that I wouldn't write back until Easter. Almost in a psychic way he remarked, "Oh, really? We'll see."

Following the meeting of Tall Paul, I continued to avoided logging in like I had been doing so already. But then I mentioned Tall Paul to my friends. He was 6'4", people. And nice. And that is tough to come by these days. I knew it. My friends knew it. And I found myself becoming increasingly more curious about whether he had contacted me. Everyone was saying log on and find out. I refused.

Until the Sunday following my meet up. That is when I gave in. I KNOW. I was such a sucker. I bent on the one thing I had given up and for a stupid guy, no less. But I figured if I just logged in to see if he had written or friended me, and if I did not check anything else, that it would not be that big of a deal. That God would somehow be ok with my just wanting to get closer to my hope of meeting a great guy and getting married and having babies with aforementioned guy.

Guess what? Tall Paul hadn't even reached out to me. And just like that, my sacrifice had gone by the wayside in one single click.

Bummed out but not completely defeated, I refocused and got back to basics. I stayed off Facebook for the rest of Lent. And honest to God, I did not log on again until yesterday, the day after I could have done so.

What did I learn after 40 days and 40 nights (give or take) away from Facebook? A lot, actually. What is life like without Facebook? Really, it's pretty nice. There is a beauty to not sharing my daily dilemmas nor what I am doing and where I am at every moment. There is also an interesting mystery to not knowing what others are up to either. If people really wanted to find me while I was off, they sought me out and I did the same. There were only a couple of "facebook casualties" who, when I saw them in person, had not realized my goal and got angry about my not replying to their emails through FB. Once in the loop, though, all was forgiven. Suddenly my conversations were, overall, a bit more meaningful. There was less of a 'face value' as on Facebook and more of a depth to what was being said. I still had my phone and my email and keeping in touch with those I care about was more fun and less work. I am back on Facebook yes, but I am already much more selective with what I choose to say on it. For I have tasted the good life--the unexplained, undocumented and un-'shouted out loud' life--off of Facebook and it is quite intriguing. Looking back, in an effort to be more connected, I had first logged on to Facebook but ultimately had made less of a connection. Now I am logging off a little more, living under the radar and connecting in other ways I never could have predicted.