Light and Bright.

My friend Michelle and I have a saying when either of us are about to go on a first date:

"Keep it light and bright."

It is our mantra. It is our reminder. It is our go-to thought for the evening. First date topics like how we might like indie movies, college hoops and black and white cookies? Good! Very, good! First date topics that include our ex-boyfriends (and why they are our ex-boyfriends), what our five-year plans are and how we hope to have babies someday? Not so good, my friend. To be avoided. Usually just too plain heavy for date #1.

Why do we even need a mantra such as this? Because women are crazy. There. I said it. Ladies, we know this. Our date, just sitting there at the bar with us, is probably wondering things like what type of music we like, whether we have a decent sense of humor and what we look like naked. Us? We run through all of those same thoughts plus ponder what kind of husband and (possibly) father he could be, all under 3.2 seconds and without even having gotten through our first beer. Admit it: it's true.

But it's not entirely our fault. Our insanity can be partly explained by the fact that we are so different from men. And how we've been different from the very beginning: take the whole hunter/gatherer history. Men would roam and hunt and pillage and do very "manly" things while we women apparently stayed put to gather berries or nuts or something or other in a field somewhere and talk dirt with our girlfriends while we did so. Men were on the move. They went out and saw things. They kept things going. Women were good at staying put and talking to their friends. They cultivated what was around them, going a bit deeper within their relationships and just trying to settle down. As a result of these early, deeply ingrained behaviors, often men are still wired to explore their options. And women are often still wired to stay put and dig in and build their relationships before anything else.

It's not good or bad. It's just how we are and, often, who we are.

We women like to know "where things are going." We like to have the Talk. We don't just want to explore the serious topics with men, we excel at it. This "delving" to the deep end of the pool can happen in dating but it can also reveal itself in other areas of our lives as well.

Take this blog, for example. It's usually when I am in bed, falling asleep, that topics to write about come to me. They are bright and promising and meaningful in my mind's eye. But lately, when I then sit down to write, they seem big and awkward and clumsy. And I feel heavy-handed, trying to explore some deep, border-line existential topic that just doesn't feel right. Opposite of "light and bright", it is like I have wandered onto a beach in the middle of July only to don a heavy wool sweater and ask others to do the same.

Sometimes digging deeper is just too much. And often, it just makes you sweat.

I need to remember my mantra. Not just on dates, but all of the time. And I need to put the sweaters away for a while. Taking a cue from the the lightest and brightest of seasons, our lovely summer, this is a perfect time of year to be reminded of just how airy life can be. So, ladies: wherever you are in life or in dating, let's all try to remember to keep it light and bright. To go forth and have fun. And be our silliest and funniest selves without too many thoughts of where it's all heading. Let's not size up a guy too quickly or end up vomiting our feelings out to a guy too soon. And guys, please bear with us as we try to do this. Yes, we women are all pretty crazy. But we're all pretty wonderful, too.