If we are moving furniture, he'll say, "Watch the woodwork." If we are driving, "Back off that driver in front of you." If we are heading somewhere we have never been before, "Bring a map."
(The last one I never actually follow and much to his disappointment. I blame my so-confident-it's-cocky--and usually correct--sense of direction).
One thing my Dad says that I always remember? "If you see a gasoline truck at a gas station, go somewhere else. They are making a delivery and when the fuel hits the bottom of the tank, a bunch of sediment rises up to the top. You'll get dirty fuel and your car will run strange."
To this day, I always heed that advice. But lately I am wondering, is it really so bad to "stir it up"?
Dating season. It's upon us. Well...when you are single, every season is dating season. But summer is usually when I get out the most, meet the most new people and, with that, the most new men. Dating is fun and funny and at times nerve-wracking. Each of us who are still in the dating game is faced with the challenge to be ourselves while also putting our best foot forward. Be honest while still being polite. Be funny but be thoughtful. Be interesting and appealing but don't try too hard or you'll come off as desperate.
Crikey. How tough is that?
And what about the other part of the equation? Because it's not just you and this person who are involved. Oh, no. You also have all of the residue from your past relationships and all of your own personal issues you have to deal with as well. So he's not just dating you, he's also dating your ex's effect on you, your small aversion to PDA and your inability to articulate your feelings. (I know, I know: you're working on both). And you are not just dating him but also his ex's effect on him, his obsession with texting and his inability to not have lunch with his ex from time to time. (I hear you: you and she are still good friends).
Call it baggage. Call it residue. Whatever it is, we all have it. And when a new partner comes into your life, that new energy hits the bottom of your dating tank and things get all kinds of stirred up. Everyone brings the good and the bad from their past with them. And sooner or later, when you are dating someone, it eventually rises to the top and you see it.
Did I ever tell you about my most memorable date? He was great about stirring it up, so to speak. And fast.
When I first met Jimmy the cabbie one night, I remembered him as being lithe, indie, playing good music, wearing a cute hat and seeming oh-so-deep.
When I saw him in daylight he was actually not so lithe. More of a deal-breaker, it also turned out that he had anger issues, virtually no friends, lived a nocturnal life and was an avid Dungeons and Dragons player.
Jimmy and I didn't work out. But I thought it was really admirable how he was so vulnerable right off the bat. Instead of doing the "slow reveal" and letting me get to know a bit more about him over time, he let the dating energy into his life right away on that first date and let himself and, yes, his residue rise right to the top. Personally, it was a bit much for me, but I'm hoping for someone else that it wasn't. And that they are kicking ass in Dungeons and Dragons somewhere at 3am, together.
You get my point.
Dating can be daunting. But it can also be exciting. The prospect of losing your bearings a little as things within you and your past get stirred up a bit with this new person can seem scary. But in the end, we all are better off being like Jimmy. (No, I'm not asking you to turn nocturnal or develop anger issues). What I mean is it is good to be open to the process and to let the promise of something and someone good overcome our own dating fears. Because that is the only way good people, and maybe your one true person, will come into your life. Here's hoping your next first date will be your last first date. And if it is not, that you will still remain open to the new energy all around. Enjoy the "season"!
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