Turkey Therapy

And so it begins.  Thanksgiving.  And with that, another holiday season is upon us.  I love time with my family.  I love eating way too much.  And I love time off.  So turkey time makes me happy.

I also love watching the parade on TV, how everyone starts wishing you "Happy Thanksgiving" a few days early, leftover Thanksgiving sandwiches, and that this world--that is always moving so fast all of the time--just slows down for a little bit.  I have to say, it's nice.

But can I be totally real for a sec?  Thanksgiving is also kind of tough if you're single.  Flying solo.  Sans partner.  You get my drift.  Any other time of the year I am a-ok (alright, alright... maybe not "a-ok"--that makes me sound like some kind of weird sitcom character--but I do handle it better than most) when it comes to it being "just me" for now.  Usually I feel fairly centered and happy about this particular chapter of my life that I have all to myself to learn from, explore and do my own thing with.  

Then the "holiday season" sweeps in with all of its togetherness and obnoxiously-perfect couple engagement ring commercials.  And all of a sudden I find myself craving a
+1 / best friend / smooch partner even more than I would really like to admit.  

Boom.  It happens just like that.  

Something is in the air in a flash and suddenly I'm not just me anymore.  I'm Single with a capital s, laying on my couch in sweats, viewing a sappy commercial, questioning past life decisions, when all I had really planned to do that night was watch a movie.  And while scenarios like that are probably just part of the journey, they are also a little trying, too.  

Sometimes being alone at the holidays can, well, feel a bit lonely.  

For my fellow single brethren reading this on the eve of yet another holiday season, while we all know being single is wonderful in so many ways and that being in a relationship doesn't in any way solve every problem, I want you to know: I see you.  I feel your quiet struggle.  I know your longing.  It can be tough to say these things but I think we owe it to each other to be honest, especially when it can look like it is the "most wonderful time of the year" for everyone else.

About 4 years ago, this is what I had to do: be honest with myself.  I was on the brink of yet another Thanksgiving.  I was flying solo and I was simultaneously looking forward to and lamenting the impending holiday season.  Then it dawned on me: what if that particular holiday could be different somehow?  What if I approached it in a different way?  Instead of being sad about being single at that time of year, what if I handled it more on my own terms?  

I thought it would be good to look at the holiday from where I wanted to be, as if I were already there and in a happy relationship or marriage.  What would I be doing, I thought?  How would it be different than in years past?  Automatically, I knew that if I were already married I would most likely want to be cooking for everyone.  Then I realized one problem: I had no idea how to make a turkey! And how could I transition to who I wanted to be --a kick-ass housewife who writes books and has babies and hosts Thanksgiving-- if I didn't know how to roast a turkey? 

So that was the pivot.  I made the cooking my focus.  At worst, I thought I would learn a useful skill.  At best, I would be preparing for the future I longed for.

I threw myself into learning as much as one can learn about roasting a turkey.  (Trust me, there's a lot!) I took cooking classes at Williams-Sonoma dedicated to the subject.  I befriended the instructor and she took me under her wing, answering any question I had.  I made detailed notes and translated that to selecting the right-sized fresh bird through Whole Foods.  I branched out into researching special stuffing and cranberry sauce.  I treated myself to really nice, high-quality tools including a meat thermometer and tongs to make the experience easy and fun.  

In short, I shifted my perspective.  It was no longer about where I was just then or even where I had been during holidays past.  It was now about preparing, concretely, for where I wanted to be.

The result was pretty amazing.  The bird turned out fantastic!  On my very first try!  (See me, thrilled, and my beautifully roasted bird pictured above.) More importantly, my holiday was truly happy--probably one of my best ever--because I saw it in a different way.  Having faith in my future and planning for it made me happier about my present.  I don't know if my family ever really knew why I was suddenly so crazy about turkeys but it didn't matter.  I felt the change and it was profound. 

And really, all it took was a shift and a conscious choice to do something different.  All it took was a little turkey therapy.

P.S.  Want to embark on your own turkey therapy adventure?  Or just want to know my turkey secrets?  See complete details below to roast the perfect bird.  My Dad told me about 5 years ago that when he was little he had a cousin that had a HUGE turkey farm.  So it seems like my turkey “bloodlines” actually do exist and run deep.  

So, let’s talk turkey:

The day before, take the fresh turkey and rinse it out (inside and out) really well.

Pat the outside dry.

Put it, unwrapped, in a pan in the fridge with paper towels below it to catch the excess water from when you rinsed it.  Put it in the coldest (i.e., lowest part of the fridge). Leave it there overnight.

The next day, take the bird out about 30 minutes before you plan to put it in the oven (will take longer to cook if you don't).  Set aside.

Make a compound butter: take 2 sticks of butter (I use salted) and unwrap them and stick them in a bowl in the microwave. Soften them to the consistency of a soft buttery spread, but not liquid-y.  Mix in a tablespoon each of rosemary, thyme and sage.  Put aside.

Lightly salt and pepper the entire turkey including the cavity.

Stuff the turkey—I put rough celery, carrots, onions and apples inside.  No need to make it pretty as these are just for flavor and I usually don’t eat these.  Use enough so that you fill the cavity, just about.  This makes it very juicy and the more compact the bird is (including on the inside) the better it cooks. 

Put legs together and tie with kitchen twine (again, all about making it compact).

Using a pair of kitchen/surgical gloves, spread compound butter all over outside of bird, sneaking it under the skin in places, too, especially on breast  (I use surgical gloves to do this so you can really get in there...I do not put any of the butter into the cavity, though).

Cook at 400 degrees for the first 15 minutes.

Then lower the temperature and cook for 325 degrees for the rest of the time until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast and not touching the bone reaches 160 degrees.  Once it reaches 160, take turkey out and put aluminum foil over top--ideally you'd let it rest for 30-60 minutes before carving.  During these 30-60 minutes, the bird temp will rise to 165 on its own, the desired temp for cooking a turkey. Enjoy!

Additional reference--1-800-BUTTERBALL (1-800-288-8372) aka: The Turkey Talk hotline. (This is a thing).  Good luck, chefs!  And Happy Thanksgiving!