A Joyful Anticipation

It's funny what a little time can do.

As we gather here today, on the eve of really gathering, I can't help but reflect on what you might be reflecting on, too. 

It's the age-old question: what are you grateful for?

But I'm laughing at myself a bit. Because my answers this year are anything but predictable.

To start, I'm grateful I lost my job. At the time, I felt like a total loser. I had finally gotten a high powered consulting firm job and then I lost it due to the Covid business slowdown. 

Why was I glad I lost it? More on that in a minute.

I'm grateful that after I lost my job I could no longer afford my adorable apartment in Hoboken. Man, that place was magical! But yes, way expensive. Situated over a bakery, the hallway smelled like heaven (otherwise known as almond paste) and the Eastern exposure provided plenty of sunlight. But my forced move brought me back to the Jersey shore. This meant being much closer to a lot of my family, something I missed much more than I had realized. It was also a bit of divine intervention that brought me physically closer to my Dad.

Believe it or not, I'm grateful I was not in a serious relationship this past year. I know! Not what you would expect from me, right? But with no man and no job, it meant I was able to focus on a different relationship: the one with my Dad. I could help care for him before he passed. Make no mistake, watching someone you love decline is not for the faint of heart. Each day was a rollercoaster. But if I still had that high powered job or was consumed with a new love, I would have missed out on this moment completely. And this moment was actually vital. It was filled with daily heartbreak and challenges and, I swear, endless tears. But it also brought much needed healing and, on certain occasions, breathtaking miracles. I will never ever regret it.

I'm grateful that all of my many job applications have been unsuccessful thus far. Because what this meant is I could help my family settle my Dad's affairs, pack up my childhood home, and, in a different way, neatly pack up my Dad's business here on Earth. There is an honor to wrapping up someone's life. And once you participate in it for someone, you look at your own life through a very different lens. I'm grateful for that lens.

And today, I am grateful for the mountain of sweet potatoes I am staring at that I need to peel and prepare. Because what this means is I have a place to bring them tomorrow and family members to spend my holiday with.

Only time could make job loss, a move, the process of losing a loved one, a longer-than-expected job search, and a pile of potatoes things to be grateful for.

I was considering my current state of affairs with my friend Michelle yesterday. Michelle is a great cheerleader. She always helps me look at things differently. Because despite my very sincere gratitude, I was still having a moment. I was feeling a little stalled in my love life, in particular, while being completely ready for my person. We were comparing notes and as usual, she came through.

"Maybe it is not the actual 'thing' that you should focus on right now," she said. "Maybe it is more the fun time of looking forward to it that you should enjoy."

The moment she said it, I understood. She meant that excitement. That looking forward with excitement. That joyful anticipation of something coming soon. To truly savor the time before anything good comes to pass. And to even be grateful for that time. Because to be grateful before something arrives really just means you know it's already on the way.

And so, no matter what is on your heart today, I wish the same for you. A genuine gratitude for unexpected things. A peaceful relationship with the timing of your life. And a joyful anticipation for what is yet to come.