10 years.

That is what I wrote in my planner for today, October 1st. Today marks the 10-year-anniversary of my Mom's passing. And surprisingly, I am doing ok. Actually, better than ok. Sure, I still feel the feelings but more than anything, I am just very hopeful in regards to life in general. And I think that is exactly what she would have wanted. I still remember when I was little, one day my Mom sat Steph and I down to talk. She delicately told us how one day she would die (yeah, a little much for a child to comprehend but my Mom always kept it real and that was really a gift in the end). She said that after she passed she wanted us to grieve and miss her but then, after an appropriate amount of time, she wanted us to move on and live happy, full lives. And I feel that is just what I am doing.

I just got back from my cousin's wedding last night. They live in upstate NY where my Mom and I would visit them each summer. At the reception I ran into person after person that I knew as a child and that also knew my Mom. Everyone spoke about my Mom with such warmth and love. It was really nice and could not have come at a better time.

The other day my friend Julie said that it was so nice how when I speak about my Mom I speak in the present, like she is still here. I do this because in many ways, I know and feel that she is. And I know that no one is more hopeful about what is right around the corner for me than her. So on this ten-year-anniversary, my ordinary, calm and middle-of-the-road day that is free from bells and whistles but still so full of hope and promise is the best memorial I could possibly imagine.