The REAL Love Guru?

I've heard the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

If this is true, does this also mean when the single girl is ready, the boyfriend will appear?

One can only hope.

Alright, I don't really want a boyfriend at this point in time. But, hell...a few great dates would sure be nice. I am currently on 'staycation' at my Dad's house at the Jersey Shore. ('Staycation'--to take time off from work but to just stay home). And it has given me some time to pause and ponder: I've only been on two dates in the past three months. That's just plain embarrassing. One was with a guy who was an extreme close-talker--I do not think he understood the concept of personal space. And the other one I can't even remember any details about but I am fairly certain that it did indeed occur at some point in time. Even worse, right?

I talked such a big game back at the end of May. I coined this summer the "Summer of Love" and declared that I would date my butt off. That I would really get out and put myself out there. No more excuses and no more laziness. And I did. I joined a new gym RIPE with men my age, I started taking a hip-hop dance class, and, on a daily basis, I made it a point to leave my ivory tower for lunch so as to increase my chances of running into someone nice.

Unfortunately, these tactics haven't been working as well as I had hoped. I didn't think I was asking for all that much, really. I just wanted to have fun and to have a fun summer full of fun dates. Key word: fun.

So where is the fun already?

My co-workers are always trying to be of help. My boss and my favorite colleague are always very intent on setting me up. My boss especially. But, that said, she says things like, "Oh...this guy would be perfect for you: tall, nice, normal. If he just wasn't married with three kids."

Thanks, boss. Yeah, if only...

If things continue like this, I might have to do the unthinkable and go back to Whole Foods.

Did I tell you about this?

I was only a month in to my new gig and I had been a little lonely. I know, I know...my job is being a social planner, for Christ's sake. And for someone who has always been very self-sufficient and social, believe me, it was not easy admitting my current "state of affairs". But at that point in time, that's where I was. I was just starting to make inroads with my co-workers and with other people on campus but didn't have an all-star crew going here just yet like I had in Boston. So I knew then, more than at any other point in time, that I really had to put myself out there.

At the time, Steph suggested (sweet Jesus, she's always full of suggestions, that girl) to do something each day that scared me in order to shake things up a bit in the 'forging-new-friendships' department. Not sky-diving or cliff-jumping 'scary' but something that took me out of my comfort zone and put me in a position to meet new people.

Scary. New. Uncomfortable. Got it.

That is why one night in particular I headed out for the absolute "motherload" in this respect.

Yes, people, it was "Singles Night" at Whole Foods and I was there.

Ok, ok. Now, wait. Before you judge me (and I know you might, you judgmental bunch of people with lots of friends who live right near you) let me at least defend myself: I'm 30 and I am quickly getting over the bar scene. Sure, I have fun when I go out with a big crowd but in regards to meeting a guy (or making new friends) it usually just doesn't bring the best results. Case in point, I like eating healthfully and practicing yoga and writing my novel. This, sadly, is not the kind of crowd that typically hangs at bars, at least not in my experience as of late. Going to Whole Foods, though, I had (and, I guess, have) a greater chance of meeting like-minded people who share my same interests. They already "go organic" and care about the environment and, well, care about how their bodies look.

So at 7:30 on a cold night in February, it was on.

I wore cute pants and, I'll admit it, a turtleneck sweater that magically makes my boobs look ginormous. It truly is the most magical shirt of all and I thought, who couldn't use a little magic?

I got there and immediately noticed people with name tags on. I also noticed a lot of middle-aged women wearing leopard print. The word 'cougar' came to mind more than once. I immediately thought, what suckers! I am doing this the stealth bomber way. So I made a loop and tried to assess the "talent" in attendance.

But there wasn't much talent to report on. And the even bigger problem was no one was even trying to talk to me since I didn't have a stupid nametag on. I thought, You know what? If I am going to do this, it's all or nothing.

The ladies at the nametag table were encouraging. They gave me a free bar of dark chocolate to share as a conversation-starter. And they pepped me up. And assured me that, Yes, there absolutely were men there that were my age and that I should just take another loop.

No sooner had they mentioned this when a really attractive guy walked into the store. The nametag ladies accosted him enough so that he stopped to make one for himself. They then introduced me to him. His name was Dave and he seemed pretty cool.

But I guess I didn't realize how low I was at that particular point in time. Or how much I was really hoping to make a connection. Because, well, I said, Hi...and my voice was just plain dripping with desperation as if I were clinging to his response for dear life. I know he sensed it, too, because he shot me a weak smile back and then shook a tailfeather right out of there as fast as he could.

Desperation--the world's most unappealing scent.

I took another couple of loops around the store, determined to at least get a little practice flirting in. (I felt the need to shake off my desperate 'hello' with someone else and increase my good flirting karma).

I only spoke to one man, though. The only hello and interest I got was from a kind Indian man who hardly spoke English. He gave me a piece of chocolate and just stood there, smiling at me. And his name, of all things, was "Guru".

So there I stood, smiling back at my new friend, enjoying my chocolate and having a good ol' laugh at myself. I exhaled. Then I thanked Guru for the chocolate, paid for my groceries--a lot of snacks that I didn't really need--and headed home.

And knew from that point on that timing and attitude, just like with most things in life but especially with love, were everything.