I'm sorry. Did you say, "sweet action?"

I am a simple girl.

I like to laugh. I like attention. I like to feel valued.

That said, I was pretty certain that I gave off that aura around men. Given the following, maybe I don't. (Or maybe this guy just had no clue who I was in the first place).

About a month ago I received a series of texts that I found quite a bit of humor in. And, action...

From a number I did not recognize in the least, I received the following text:

"You up for some sweet action tomorrow night?"

I immediately think this is a joke. I mean, c'mon: who seriously writes this stuff? More than that, anyone that knows me would not write to me saying this. Then it dawns on me: it is Matt or Rock (two of my funniest guy friends) pulling a trick on me from some new phone number.

I write back: "Who's this?"

The response: "It is Matt."

I laugh. Then am nervous. I write, "Matt who?"

The response: "Sloan."

Hmmm...MY Matt's last name is English. So there I am wondering who is Matt Sloan and why is he texting me suggestive messages about things like "sweet action"? It must be a wrong number/someone who is confused.

I write back: "I think you have me confused with someone else."

He writes back: "(My Name)?"

Yeah. Now here's the point where I freak out a little. Because for the life of me I can't remember a Matt Sloan who would think it is appropriate to, again, suggest "sweet action".

I write: "Where do I know you from?"

He says: "We met a few times in Cambridge" and that it had been "two years at least" since I had seen him last.

So Cambridge is where I lived for three years. And I am in the dark until it hits me: I know who this is. When I first moved to Boston I went on a dating spree. I was in a new city, there were new men all around me and I had never been familiar with the charms of Craigslist.com until I moved to Boston and everyone kept singing it's praises. I had just moved from Villanova, PA where there was NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE to date. So for about two weeks I dated my butt off. I was literally tired from dating at the end of the spree. I wanted to kick start my mojo and see what "talent" the city had to offer. Sadly, there wasn't much. Only one guy made it to a second date.

This dude was nice but ridiculously nervous. He worked in computer science and I knew it probably wouldn't make it past a second date because there was really no chemistry. But I figured it would be good practice. And yes, sometimes I date for practice. Because if you don't practice, how do you ever get better? On the second date, though, he was really late and he spilled a full beer into my lap. The date never got better and just mirrored the original vibe that I was never really into this dude.

And this dude was Matt Sloan.

Since I would rather cut my arm off than write back "I am just not that into you," I write that I'm really sorry but I don't remember who he is. And the messages stop. Mission accomplished.

Word to the wise...if we dated and I don't talk to you for a couple of years let me save you some time: never, ever think it is ok to text me looking for some sweet action. And if you do, please be doing so because it is an inside joke.