What's the "Big" deal?

Ask any female who followed it and they will tell you that Sex and the City was not just a show but a religion. It gave the single girl what she so secretly and desperately wanted. (No single gal likes to associate herself with the word "desperate" but really, let's be honest here). Whether it was a little recognition that hey, being a single chick is often tough or a glimpse of what could be in the life of a single girl given the right opportunities and a killer wardrobe complete with unlimited Jimmy Choos, SATC fulfilled that need. Most of all it gave girls everywhere a little hope, a small glint of something more. And sometimes a little hope is really all you hope for. Each week we were transported into the exciting and interesting life of Miss Carrie Bradshaw. And boy, was it fun.

I heart this character tremendously and it has very little do with her fashion choices. I like Carrie because first, she is a writer. (We always like what we know, right?) I also like her because she, like all of us whether we want to admit it or not, is incredibly flawed. She couldn't cook, she overspent, she cheated on Aidan and she made the same mistakes over and over again. But no matter what, I liked how she did life on her own terms. Time with her friends was sacred. She wanted to be a writer so she became a writer. And if a relationship or situation (be it professional or friend-y) wasn't working, she moved on.

So you have to understand then why I was so completely bummed with how SATC the movie came to a close. Spoiler alert: After he's a no-show at their wedding, Carrie marries Big anyway at City Hall because that is what he is ultimately comfortable with. I know that the producers were trying to prove that love conquers all and that Carrie was doing what she really wanted but I didn't buy it. The whole ending did not sit well with me at all.

The ending actually made me wonder: If art imitates life have we really come to a point in time when we think it is ok to pledge our undying love to a man who thinks it is ok to consistently disappoint us and then humiliate us in front of our friends and family? Have we come to a point when settling down with a man, any man, no matter how poorly he treats us is enough?

More than that, the Carrie that married Big at City Hall, was she the Carrie we grew to know and love? Was she the same Carrie who uttered, "...the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous?" If Big really loved her, would he have put her through that much pain? Was that behavior "fabulous"?

I never really got the big deal about Mr. Big. Yes, he was very attractive and being around him made Carrie's life exciting. But wasn't this the same man that consistently disappointed her and left her high and dry emotionally? Was this attractive? Was this a recipe for happiness in life?

For better or worse, I think most women have their own Mr. Big. I had mine. I already talked about him before...he was D. in my blog about the movie "Made of Honor". I mentioned all of the good things he did and yes, there were many. But I failed to mention all of the bad and how he ultimately brought out the worst in me. Time after time, I reached out to this man and hoped he would reciprocate despite his always doing the contrary. Emails. Texts. Love letters. You name it, I did it and repeatedly so. I was shameless and desperate and all those things you hope you never become. In the end, no matter what I did, all I got was a whole lot of nothing and even more disappointment. I kept thinking if I just hung in there that it would all work out how I wanted and he'd come back to me. But one day it hit me: this had nothing to do with him anymore. Instead it had everything to do with the fact that I was willing to let someone hurt me like this and, more disturbingly, that I was not only ok with it but was actually seeking it out again and again. It wasn't about me loving him and not being able to let go. It was about me not truly loving myself and my being ok with him repeatedly not loving me back. Once I realized this, I stopped myself from being seduced by the struggle. I let him go and I moved on for good, once and for all.

I haven't spoken to him in over 3 years. He is not a bad person and I truly do wish him the best. Because he ultimately reminded me to settle for nothing less than the best for myself. He reminded me that love shouldn't hurt.

Yes, SATC is just a movie. But entertainment, especially a movie such as this one, can influence women everywhere for better or worse. My only hope is that women will look past Carrie's actions and not think that conquering a tough lover is the only path to love because it's not. It's actually the best path away from love. Women should insist on whomever is truly best for them and their heart should they ultimately take someone, for better or worse.