I'm exhausted from dating. There. I said it.
I know we're not supposed to talk about this. Girl code dictates we usually keep it to ourselves. So when we're out there dating and people ask, "How's your love life?" we're just supposed to act like it's all coming together so smoothly. That the right guy just sort of appeared from the ether and since then, it's been one big party filled with swoon-worthy connection, killer make-out sessions and deep/meaningful conversations. An Instagrammed, picture-perfect relationship is expected right from the very start.
But can I be real here? Dating is hard. Exhausting at points.
Like when I give a guy my number and tell him specifically I prefer not to text with men I haven't met yet. (Call me old-fashioned but if I don't know your "tone" just yet, only texting is often a one-way ticket to Confusionville.) But then he texts me at midnight: "U up?" Guys, no single girl likes to receive that text from a stranger. Trust me. We both know what you have in mind with a "U up?" at that hour and it’s not to review the latest progress on the conflict in the Middle East.
Or when I go out on a date with a new guy and he alternates between sweet and charming and well, slightly abusive? Recently my date asked me how many people go to my alma mater. As I was trying to remember, he said, "Because I know people who went there, too." Excited that I might know these same people I asked, "Oh, really? Who do you know?" To which he responded, "I asked you a God damn question!" Later he commented, "See? You can handle my moods." Needless to say this first date was also his last. And no, I could not handle his moods.
Or the date with the promising guy. We were sitting across from one another at a large table, so it started out feeling a lot like an interview. Our conversation (or interview, whichever you prefer) was going ok until he said, "Well, I no longer date just to date. I only date people who..." and it was here where I tuned out. Because I got the gist of what he was trying to say: he doesn't want to waste time with people who don't make sense. But all I could think of after he said this was: hmmm...I DO still date just to date. I mean, I don't want to waste time either but isn't dating just to date the point? To spend a little time with someone and see if there is anything there? How else do you figure it out otherwise? Anyway, all of a sudden the evening felt very serious. A little too serious. And I felt confused. Wasn't this just a first date?
When did fun leave the dating equation? I know we're not supposed to talk about this. Girl code dictates we usually keep it to ourselves. So when we're out there dating and people ask, "How's your love life?" we're just supposed to act like it's all coming together so smoothly. That the right guy just sort of appeared from the ether and since then, it's been one big party filled with swoon-worthy connection, killer make-out sessions and deep/meaningful conversations. An Instagrammed, picture-perfect relationship is expected right from the very start.
But can I be real here? Dating is hard. Exhausting at points.
Like when I give a guy my number and tell him specifically I prefer not to text with men I haven't met yet. (Call me old-fashioned but if I don't know your "tone" just yet, only texting is often a one-way ticket to Confusionville.) But then he texts me at midnight: "U up?" Guys, no single girl likes to receive that text from a stranger. Trust me. We both know what you have in mind with a "U up?" at that hour and it’s not to review the latest progress on the conflict in the Middle East.
Or when I go out on a date with a new guy and he alternates between sweet and charming and well, slightly abusive? Recently my date asked me how many people go to my alma mater. As I was trying to remember, he said, "Because I know people who went there, too." Excited that I might know these same people I asked, "Oh, really? Who do you know?" To which he responded, "I asked you a God damn question!" Later he commented, "See? You can handle my moods." Needless to say this first date was also his last. And no, I could not handle his moods.
Or the date with the promising guy. We were sitting across from one another at a large table, so it started out feeling a lot like an interview. Our conversation (or interview, whichever you prefer) was going ok until he said, "Well, I no longer date just to date. I only date people who..." and it was here where I tuned out. Because I got the gist of what he was trying to say: he doesn't want to waste time with people who don't make sense. But all I could think of after he said this was: hmmm...I DO still date just to date. I mean, I don't want to waste time either but isn't dating just to date the point? To spend a little time with someone and see if there is anything there? How else do you figure it out otherwise? Anyway, all of a sudden the evening felt very serious. A little too serious. And I felt confused. Wasn't this just a first date?
I was talking to my sister just the other day and remarking upon how even with the relationships I had that didn't work out, at least they were fun to start. I was genuinely excited to see my guy and get to know him better, even at the very beginning. I miss that excitement of someone new and promising. I miss the easy banter and humor. I miss the fun part.
Of course, this may all be long hand for: I'm just running into the wrong men lately. But you have to be in it to win it, so to speak. He won't just knock on your door. And if you are open to meeting someone fun and wonderful, inevitably you might meet a few (ok, many) not so wonderful matches along the way, too. It’s just the way it goes.
So maybe, when it comes down to it, I'm not that tired after all. Maybe that's why I write back on Match and go on yet another first date and keep putting myself out there. Because I know: wonderful is possible—I’ve felt and seen it many times. I’m hopeful. I'm all in. So, to my fellow single ladies who are also out there keeping hope alive, please know I am right there with you. Let's keep going. Together. Let's keep moving, with an open heart, towards the fun part.
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