5 Secrets Your Married Friends Wish You Knew

By: Jordan Keefe, guest blogger

When I jokingly told Olivia I would have to respond to her most recent post, 5 Secrets Your Single Friends Wish You Knew, I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it.  But she did.  After reading what she had to say, I had some things to say, too, that might not be obvious unless you're married or have ever been in a serious relationship.  Not all of these go for everyone who is committed (just like not all single people are genuinely happy for those in a relationship).  But I've known my husband for six years and have been married for almost four and while I am by no means an expert on being married, I want to share some secrets of my own.  Being married is hard work and not something that just easily happens. Many naively view the wedding as the end in and of itself instead of the beginning.  I would have been perfectly fine going to city hall and getting married but my husband thought we'd be upset later if we didn't have a wedding.  I'm glad that we had a wedding after all, but I'd still be ok if we hadn't. Because, really, it's not about that. It's about loving someone so much that you can't imagine one more day without them and working to keep the feeling going. When we go to bed at night my husband almost always says, "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." I'll take that over a bunch of roses on Valentine's Day any time. It's also about realizing that you don't care about their little imperfections.  How sometimes their funny habits even grow on you to be cute quirks that only you know and appreciate. So, perfection?  It doesn't exist.  Even people who say, "He's perfect for me" have started to annoy me.  No, he actually isn't.  He's just the one whose strange habits you can best put up with. Once you are married you realize you have to take someone else's feelings into account and that it's no longer a "you" and a "me" but an "us" and a "we".  You aren't the only one anymore. We know it can annoy single friends when we say, "Just let me check with, James," but it's a partnership where if you don't communicate openly and honestly it will be over before it began.  If you want a better look behind the curtain of being married, keep reading... 

1. Sometimes we miss being single.

It's nice to watch anything you want on TV or eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry's without sharing. It can also be frustrating dealing with someone else -- dishes get left in the sink, laundry on the floor or maybe your spouse is even a little bit of a hoarder?!? Overall we are happy to be married and it doesn't mean we forget how hard it can be to not have someone to share the little things with.  (I could still do without sharing my ice cream though!)

2. Holidays can still be hard. 

You thought it would be fabulous to not have your great Aunt Ruth ask you when you were getting married anymore over your turkey and cranberry sauce.  And you'd be right.  But what you don't think of is how you will miss her when you go to your spouse's family instead for Thanksgiving. Unless they live close to each other and you want to eat two dinners there will be sacrifices you have to make. You love your new family, too, and maybe you will celebrate with one on the Saturday after, but it won't be the same. 

3. We don't want you to ask us why we don't have kids or when we are having another.  

You know how you hate being asked why you are single? This is the one married people hate. Maybe we don't want them (or more than one). Maybe we've been trying for over a year and haven't been successful. Either way we get enough of this from great Aunt Ruth, so please stop. 

4. We want you to come visit. 

Sure, it was easier to come see us when we were single but we still want you to come over now! You aren't bothering us and shocker of shockers--our spouse likes the visits, too. They like our friends and want to hang out with them just like we do. This is also still true when we have kids. It's nice to talk to another adult. Just try to ignore the craziness and dirty dishes when you get here.

5. We don't feel grown up.

Marriage, a house and kids don't mean you feel like a grown-up. We don't walk back down the aisle and automatically feel more like an adult. Having a kid hasn't even done that for me. And sometimes I look at him and wonder how I can actually be responsible for another human's life. Maybe some day I'll feel like an actual adult, but I doubt it will happen anytime soon!

Got your own secrets you wish your single friends knew?  Share them with me via Twitter @saylivvy or Facebook.