What's love got to do with it?

So there I was at a bar the other night talking to a cute guy named Chris. Things were going surprisingly well. I have a tendency to be ridiculously hard on guys when it comes to sizing them up (hey...I'm working on it: nobody's perfect) but this guy, I felt, got me. He had a great sense of humor and that, other than just being a kind person, is my number one criteria to what I am attracted to. He was also easy on the eyes. So I was just there...in the moment...enjoying talking to this cute guy when, out of nowhere, the other shoe dropped.

If you were a fly on the wall, this is the conversation you would have overheard:

Chris: "What are those in your ears? Earplugs?"

Me: "Yes, I have really sensitive ears and I have to wear them whenever I see a show. Otherwise I am basically deaf for three days."

(Sidenote: we were at a bar with a very loud band playing. Thus, my earplugs.)

Chris: "Well I have a sensitive ass and you don't see me wearing a butt plug."

He then continues to do a little impersonation as if he were walking around with a plug in, well...

Yes, this actually happened. Swear to God.

Me: (dumbfounded) "Wow. I don't even know what to say to that."

Chris: Silence.

Surprisingly, he manages to switch the topic of conversation--I guess he senses that things are going downhill and fast from the incredulous look I am glaring at him. But to his own detriment, it gets even worse. On the topic of New Year's Eve, we talk about how he will be at a party as the only single among all couples. And...

Me: "Aw, man! That is going to be AWESOME," (said with sarcasm, of course). "You'll be the guy that is the hugger after everyone is done making out at midnight. Yeah, you'll be doling out hugs left and right with an awkward smile on your face."

Chris: "No, " he says laughing, "I have it covered. I am bringing my blow up doll as my date."

And, scene.

People, in my quest to simply kiss a boy, I have to tell you the pickings are discouragingly slim right now. And with New Year's Eve right around the corner (the official deadline of Operation K.A.B. is 12/31/08 at 11:59:59) the outlook is bleak in regards to achieving this goal.

Forget the fairy tale. Forget me meeting a nice guy and that being the one I smooch and then date for a little bit. I knew this might be tough but I never expected this kind of sheer lack around me. At this point, it is just a sheer numbers game. And sadly, though I still feel hopeful, it has pretty much gotten to the point where I have to ask, "What's love got to do with it?"

I hope my relatively good karma = kisses in my near future.

I'll keep you posted.