No. The answer is no.

Happy New Year!

I have to tell you I just got back from a great time in Boston. (Jordie, if you are reading this I am sorry I never got the chance to see you. I was there for less than 48 hours. I miss you. I hope you smooched James' face at midnight!)

Ok, so you might be wondering, did I kiss a boy? At the stroke of midnight did I find a guy to kiss and salvage Operation K.A.B. in the process, thus righting my love life and starting 2009 on an amorous note?

Sadly, my clock ran out and, alas, no boys were kissed in time.

I know. I was a bit disappointed, too. It sucks to put energy towards a goal (even a silly one like this one) and then fail. It would be easy to get down about this. But, surprisingly, this whole experience has worked wonders on my self-esteem. I actually feel very rock-starish as of late.

How can not being able to find a smoochable make-out partner within the span of 4 months actually make me, a catch, feel good, you ask?

Easy.

About a month ago I started to remember what my good friend Dave said to me a while back: "Let life come to you." I understood what he meant. He was not saying to throw in the towel or be lazy and just 'let life come to you'. (No, when I think of Dave that is actually the opposite of what comes to mind). On the contrary, he was reminding me to just be myself and be confident that that is enough. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself about everything at the time (hmmm...a little like what I have been doing with this project) and he just wanted to remind me to not do that--to not be so hard on myself. He wanted me to remember (like we all should) that being ourselves is enough. And believing you are enough, as-is, kisses or no kisses, is the best 'operation' ever.

And from that point on, once I figured that out, everything shifted. My energy, my intent, my focus. It was no longer about finding a boy that would kiss me. Instead it changed to me knowing that I was kissable to begin with. It was no longer, "I wonder if he is interested." Now it was, "Do I have any interest in HIM?" This simple, yet crucial, energy shift changed everything. It made me like the girl in the mirror even more and caused a total metamorphosis of my mojo.

And that, ironically enough, caused guys to hit on me a lot more than they ever had before. Because I had no attachment to what happened, inevitably they were interested in me. My energy was just different. I guess confidence is attractive. Either way, I had "let life come" to me. Sure, initially they were boys like "butt-plug guy" but I have good faith that that will change. : )

So maybe Operation K.A.B. didn't result in a kiss. Maybe I didn't suck some face like I had hoped. Either way, the bigger reward was the foundation it laid down overall in regards to the love affair I should have with myself. We all should love the person in the mirror and, really, we have to before we can truly love or be loved in return.

Wishing you lots of love in 2009!